The Truth About Scars

          Before my husband Kyle and I were ever engaged, he had a severe gallbladder attack and had to have the nasty little thing removed, and it was exactly that: a nasty little thing. What should have taken just a couple of hours turned into six. His family and I sat quietly in the waiting room, the silence being broken only by the ring of the telephone indicating to us the doctor had news. For the first few hours, it seemed the phone rang on the hour every hour, the speaker on the other line giving us increasingly uncomfortable updates. After several failed attempts to remove the gallbladder laparoscopicly, the doctor decided to go about it the old-fashioned way: slice open the skin and remove the organ. Of course, this meant more time in the OR, a longer recovery, and one heck of a scar. 

          I remember distinctly a moment after Kyle (finally) had the drainage tube and the staples removed. He was standing in front of a mirror with his shirt lifted up staring intently at the scar that now very noticeably covers a section of his abdomen. He turned toward me and asked in a somber tone, "Does this scar make me unattractive?" My heart sank into the pit of my stomach, uneasily settling there as I searched for words that would heal. Was that scar in its fresh, tender, reddened state something I considered ugly? Absolutely. Did it make the man I loved and wanted to share my life with unattractive? Absolutely not. 

          We all have scars. Some of us have physical marks that smudge our flesh, reminding us of searing pain, trouble, or anguish. Some of us are pocked with emotional and mental scars that limit us in our pursuit of healthy lives filled with joy. We all have moments from our past that darken the light of our futures. We have all, at some point, carried blemishes, and what is more burdensome than the weight all of our imperfections combined is the question we ask over and over: "Does this make me unlovable?" The answer is quite simply this: no.

          The truth about scars is yes, they are ugly, but we don't have to let their appearances in our lives dictate the way we look at ourselves. When we see our defects staring back at us from a mirror, we are flooded with feelings of inadequacy, doubt, and regret. It's easier to believe we are unwanted than it is to see the beauty beyond the scars. Please, though, consider this: does one torn corner of a hundred-dollar bill decrease its worth? Does one missing petal from the bud of a rose subtract from its beauty? Stop wondering if your scars make you unforgivably repulsive, and wonder instead why you are giving them so much power. Look squarely in the face at the person in the mirror and ask the only question that truly matters, "Does one ugly moment define my entire life?"

The answer is quite simply this: no.

            

The Marilyn Make-Up Part 3

       


          Marilyn Monroe - Norma Jean - a talent, a beauty, a tragedy. True to form, her soiled personal life led to an unattractive death. There are varying reports about exactly what happened to Monroe (some of them following a conspiracy - the Kennedys playing a hand in her death,) but one fact remains: an overdose ended her life. She was born into a world void of love, protection, and stability and left it just the same: alone and tormented.

         Despite how ugly her life was, when the world looks upon the face of Marilyn, the only thing reflected there is beauty. Why is it that we can disregard all the scandal and hail her, still, America's sweetheart? What is so appealing about this bottle-blonde that keeps us mesmerized fifty-one years later?

          I call it the Marilyn Make-Up, and it is as simple as this one word: TRUTH.

          Marilyn's appeal isn't that she was blonde, busty, leggy, or full-lipped. There are a multitude of women who fall into that same category. Her appeal is in the knowledge we have of her, proving to us that she was real. She was a real human being with real hurt, real emotions, and real mistakes. Behind those fluttering lashes, we see someone, a girl, to whom we can relate. We know her life was not perfect; she was not perfect, and her pain was excruciatingly true. We see Marilyn Monroe for who she was: a person, just like us, trying to find a way to cover up her scars.

The Marilyn Make-Up Part 2

          Norma Jean. Pretty. Curvier than average. Brown hair. Broken home. Nothing remarkable. She grew up in foster care, never knowing her father, while her mother roared through the 20's as a risque flapper, occasionally stopping in to see her. She lived a life of confusion, shuffling homes, those influencing her giving her conflicting ideas about morals and standards. She once attempted to live with her mother again, only to witness the woman's nervous breakdown resulting in institutionalization and Norma Jean's return to the foster system. In this second phase of foster care, Norma Jean's experience was even worse, as she was sexually abused on more than one occasion as her body propelled her into womanhood. Finally, to escape an orphanage, she married in 1942 at age 16. 

          In 1945, Norma became Marilyn. After being discovered by an army photographer, she signed with a booking agency, bleached her hair, and changed her name. Her breakthrough came in modeling, but she had her mind set on the silver screen. She worked constantly to improve her acting skills and deeply desired to be taken seriously as an actress. When working on a film, she would request take after take, not because she was a diva but because she wanted to give her audience her very best. She yearned for the people's approval. She lived to please.

          Despite her career successes, Marilyn's personal life was a running tragedy. She was married and divorced several times (different biographers report different numbers,) and she was involved in high-profile affairs, one allegedly with JFK. She and her husband Arthur Miller tried multiple time to have a child, each attempt resulting in miscarriage, and her dependency on drugs to deal with anxiety and to sleep grew greater with each passing day. To look at her, one would think she had the world: beauty, fame, riches, the love of millions. Underneath, though, the only thing visible was pain, hurt, emptiness, scandal. 

          What could possibly be so beautiful about that?

          

The Marilyn Make-Up

          There is no denying that Marilyn Monroe was beautiful. Even now, she is considered by many to be the epitome of attraction. Men and women alike clamor over her photographs, wanting her, wanting to be like her. Every year, there are new calendars published, each month bearing a picture of the blonde bombshell. Souvenirs, collectibles, cups, dolls, costumes: you name it, her face has donned it. Her look is legendary, and so is her life. Since her death in 1962, no other woman has come close to achieving the status Marilyn's name is synonymous with in our society. So what is it about Miss Monroe that has America, still, after all these years, enamored with her? Why can't we let go of Marilyn?

       

Into the Looking Glass

Beauty. 

She evades me. 

Sometimes I think I recognize her, so I call out to her, reaching and stretching, hoping to grasp her, 

But she disappears, turning her head,  mocking me with her sparkling sweet smile. 

Where did she go? 

For that one fleeting moment, I thought I might own her, understand her, know her even, 

but Beauty, once again, has slipped quietly away.